Doing The Work With Rhea Edmonds: Get here, Daddy. Reach!

By Rhea Edmonds
FWIS Contributing Writer

You can reach me by railway.

They were frustrated and saw no pathway to bridge the divide.

You can reach me by trailway.

They had walked miles in their minds, contemplating what to do.

You can reach me on an airplane.

At times, the emotions of these young fathers had flown far away from their circumstances, as a coping mechanism.

You can reach me with your mind.

When all that remained, while incarcerated, was memories of their babies, that was what they held onto. And sometimes, that was all they felt they had – memories.

“My baby’s momma won’t let me talk to them,” some said.

“She won’t answer my calls,” others complained during group life coaching sessions inside prison walls.

What were these fathers to do with the barriers they faced – geographical distance due to incarceration, emotional distance because of strained relationships with their children’s mothers, mental distance due to the shame of poor choices that caused others pain, and no way to contact their young children directly?

As Father’s Day approaches, I celebrate loving, steadfast, present, instructional fathers, like my father was. I also offer encouragement to those who dread seeing this holiday come because of the pain of disconnection from their children – young or adult.

To the fathers who mask their pain while celebrating other fathers and grandfathers, I encourage you to do something different this year: Create. Express yourself in a unique-to-you way that will help you heal and that, if ever shared with your child, will do the same for them.

Here are some possibilities to create ongoing records of your love: Write a letter to your child, expressing the longing in your heart to be close, to talk, to share experiences. If you need to apologize, include that.

You don’t like to write? Record your voice on your phone.

Compose a musical arrangement in honor of your child. Write a song. Draw and paint a picture.

Take a walk or a hike through your neighborhood or at a state park as the first step in your journey to claiming or reclaiming a healthy lifestyle.

Cook a meal you would love to share with your child; take pictures of it, and create a book with the recipes, images, and reasons you chose each part of that meal.

The possibilities are endless. What ideas do you have that speak to you and how you are wired? Create a list, and act on it, destroying your own mental and emotional barriers. Other factors will align as they should in time, but start with you.

Here is a final thought: Listen to the 1990s hit song, “Get Here,” written by Brenda Russell and sung by Oleta Adams. Hear it with the ears of a present father who discerns more than what is said.

I don’t care how you get here. Just get here, if you can.

If this year, the only way you can reach your child is through the power of what your mind can create – words, pictures, and so forth. Great. Do it.

You can reach me by caravan.

Cross the desert like an Arab man.

I don’t care how you get here. Just get here, if you can.

Get here, daddy. Reach. Just reach!

Happy Father’s day!